The Beer Bong will Destroy our Society

The Beer Bong is loosely defined as a device used to consume large amounts of alcohol in a very short period of time. Historically, this was a funnel with about 3 feet of hose attached to it. It’s a simple device and easily adaptable to all situations. For instance, if 3 feet of beer isn’t enough, get more tubing and fill the funnel from the balcony. If storage is an issue, they make inflatable beer funnels. What if you don’t have that much beer? Well, we have beer bong attachments for beer bottles. Or you can shotgun a can of beer. The trend here is speed. Get the beer down as fast as possible.

The history of beer shows us the importance of beer in society, as early as the Gilgamesh Epic; “Drink also beer, as it is the custom of the land…” Why is it so important? Why has beer remained the beverage of choice for so long? Is it purely the alcohol, beer was the first alcoholic beverage, but there are plenty of choices with more alcohol then beer.

The reason beer has persevered through the years is the amount of alcohol it contains. Beer contains from 3% to about 12% alcohol by volume. Compare this with liquor which is at least twice that.

It’s all about the speed at which the imbiber will become intoxicated. With liquor, one could fall on their face in 5 minutes. It takes restraint to drink liquor, you must restrict yourself. Beer does this for you. You drink at the standard drinking rate and the intoxication happens slowly. This is why beer is the social lubricant. You don’t have to think, you just enjoy the delicious beverage. It slowly calms you, and puts you at ease. With more alcohol content it would just put you in bed, with less it wouldn’t do anything.

Now bring the Beer Bong into the picture. This is a device that allows one to consume beer at an enormous rate. Within 5 minutes you could be as snookered as if you were drinking liquor. Beer can no longer be relied upon to have a slow, intoxicating effect.

The everyday gradual change of the bar scene will no longer be gradual, it will be instant. The social interactions that relied so heavily upon beer will cease. Business meetings happen over beer. First meetings of husband and wife happen over beer. Partnerships, friendships, and acquaintances are formed over beer. All social relationships can potentially begin and end over beer.

The beer bong is changing the very nature of beer. It could thereby change the very nature of our social structure. Fortunately, the use of the beer bong is generally limited to college campuses and restricted to the 18 to 24 age group. So we probably don’t have anything to worry about. But the potential is there, and it’s frightening.